Or, how I sought to battle depression and how I want to help you, too.
Some days just suck. We have all been pounced on by the critter that sucks all motivation, willfulness, and even creativity. This creature haunts us in various shapes and forms, but nevertheless seems to seek us out and drain us of any and all positivity.
There are those who can fiercely and heroically battle these bugs, fighting their opposition with strict determination, pulling energy from a hidden well somewhere deep inside their soul. And then there are others who, despite their best efforts, become crushed under the weight of the negativity without being able to put up much of a fight.
Oftentimes we have friends and family that are understanding, that will call their banners to aid us in our battle against the banded forces of Bleakness, Abjection, and Distress. But, there are those of us that do not perceive that there are indeed allies, eager to join our ranks to bring down the BAD (or if you prefer, breaking BAD).
It is to those people that I write, for I used to think that I had no banner men, no allies. Worse, I thought that it was purely my fight, and that because I was losing, I deserved to lose. I caved in; I was beat. I lost, but not to BAD, to myself.
That is when a knight in shining armor came to my rescue. Or rather, severely dented and a bit rusty; they had been through the war before and they were here to keep me from being a casualty. Who was this armor-clad champion that the forces of BAD seemed to part ways for? Well, it wasn’t a who, it was a what.
See, I did not have the courage to reach out, or to let anyone on to the fact that I was feeling so, well, fantastically miserable. Where does one turn to, when they feel they have hit bottom? It is unfortunate that there have been a variety of people who have committed to giving up entirely. I was almost one of those people; I was ready to give in to the tantalizing idea of just “giving up.” The very act of consideration propelled me to reach out for help.
Oral communication is very hard for me under normal circumstances and these were hardly normal times by any stretch of the imagination. I know now that I have an army of fighters and healers (and even some rogues) behind me. What saved me was writing.
What did I write about? I wrote about defeating the armies of BAD to save my world. I wrote and at first, it was really hard to muster the strength. After a while, my thoughts slowly returned to the story I was writing (before I became under siege by the BAD, I was always thinking fantastically and having my head in the clouds). I started channeling my negativity on to paper and then throwing it into a fire or a shredder when fire was not available. Or I tore it up, if neither options were present.
This made me feel better.
For a moment, at least. It was these moments that helped me realize that life isn’t all covered in doom and gloom, and that the BAD did not really control me. These were the times that I would light the signal fires and hope that someone would understand that hey, I need help.
It takes all of the effort in the world, sometimes even the universe, to even sit up in bed in the morning, when you have a battalion of BAD sitting on your chest. The most important thing to do is to find a way to reach out. Yeah, I know, it is much easier said than done.
My outreach was through writing. Some people make games about their situation as a way to reach out. Others are able to outright ask for help or otherwise trigger the notice to others that, “hey, I am not okay and I need help.” I know that you have something that you are passionate about that, with a little creativity and all the energy you can muster, can be used as a gateway back into the land of happiness, healthfulness, or wherever you want to be.
I am not “better.” I am still fighting the BAD, but now I am starting to win the battles more often than not. I have the party of allies to help me as well as my weapon of choice: words. Just like it can take a long time to find a good group to fight with in an online game, it can take a long time to gather your group and assemble your weapons to be ready for battle. But I know you can do it.
I am rooting for you, and though I might not be part of your party, I am an ally that is ready to help you find your weapon, if you so choose to fight. While we all fight our own battles of the BAD, we are all fighting the same war.
How do you want to fight the BAD?